Spike is the quintessential disdainful cat. She usually wears black lipstick and nothing meets with her approval. She is currently finishing her third novel and she writes the family Christmas letter every December. She is a professional vocal effects artist for motion pictures and her hobbies include staring, watching, pouting, and throwing up.

Jones likes to lay around in his pajamas. He collects string and likes to play Spiderman. Jones drools when you pet him and his goal in life is to be a body double for Garfield. His hobbies include tongue depressor sculpture, CSPAN, and playing pinochle with his late pet mealworm, Rosamunda.

Raven has every nasty habit in the book. He picks his nose, licks his butt in front of company, and refuses to wear clothes. He finds it beneath him to lower his head to the water dish so he brings scoops of water to his mouth using his paws. His hobbies include harrassment, ambush, streaking, and he's saving up his money for his own Krazy Straw.

Snowball is a mountain cat. She lives with two Rottweilers and a wolf, and she's generally known as the tough one in the bunch. She hunts all day and at night she sleeps on a shelf in the garage next to a transmission. Her hobbies include assassination, hiding, sneaking, fornicating, and rolling on her back for milk.

Snake is the honorary cat in this family. He is also a professional vocal effects artist and he bites party guests who get near the buffet table. He is hoping to win a part in his favorite show, Star Trek, The Original Series. His hobbies include meowing, killing warm socks, tanning, and yawning.