Monday, June 26, 2006
Store Wars
I am at war.
The other person's identity is a mystery, but I'm fairly convinced that he or she lives in my town.
The flavored water shelf at Pavillions is our battleground.
For the sake of clarity, let's say my enemy is a guy. I'm not sure what kind of guy would share my obsession with Grape Fruit 2 O, but the fact that our Pavillions grocery store isn't far from the Disney studios might give us a little insight.
Every few days I go to Pavillions to claim my treasure, grape flavored Fruit 2 O. A lot of flavored water just tastes like tap water that was left uncovered in the fridge until it picked up the random scents from the leftovers. Not grape Fruit 2 O. It's sweet and luscious, doled out in beautiful little bottles.
More often than not, on the shelf next to the other, less desirable flavors, there is a void where the Grape used to be.
That's when I know he got there first. My head hangs low, I shuffle off in defeat, and quietly finish my shopping. Once I ordered a case from a courtesy clerk but she never called me back. I asked Ralphs to start selling it but they have yet to respond to my pleas. I have no competition at the Pavillions in Monrovia so when I'm desperate for my fix I plunder their shelves, driving home in a swell of triumphant hoots, the trunk of my Volvo overflowing with grape-flavored nectar.
When I get to the grape Fruit 2 O first at the Burbank Pavillions, oh yes, that is a fine day! I fill my cart and run before my vessel is attacked and pilfered. Who knows? He could be waiting in the produce section, ready to steal my cart before I get to the cashier.
Whether the grape Fruit 2 O is nabbed by myself, or my foe, I'm baffled as to why Pavillions still hasn't wised up and ordered Grape in larger quantities.
What baffled me more is when I went around the corner of the aisle today and saw that there was one 6-pack of Grape on the shelf. Never before have I seen one pack alone. Either he takes them all, or I do…so why did he leave one? I instinctively threw my arms up in the air while hissing a "Yesss!" but immediately became suspicious.
Is this a trap? Would he pull a string and a box would fall down over me when I reached for the bottles? Was he waiting nearby so he could ascertain my identity in an effort to knock out the competition when my guard was down?
Or was it a peace offering, a kind of truce, a hey kid, look, I know you love Grape too and, see? There is enough Grape for both of us in this crazy little town. A kind of a, I won but I'll be the bigger person and share.
My mind racing, I gingerly reached my arms around the lone 6-pack, giddy but suspicious. I began to relax when my drink was buried beneath toilet paper and bananas and deli meat, but I didn't completely feel safe until I got home. I waited until Grape chilled to just the right temperature and enjoyed the Fruit 2 Os of my labor, sharing its goodness with my family.
Sharing, yes. Soon I will have to go on another expedition to secure more of this bounty.
Soon.
The other person's identity is a mystery, but I'm fairly convinced that he or she lives in my town.
The flavored water shelf at Pavillions is our battleground.
For the sake of clarity, let's say my enemy is a guy. I'm not sure what kind of guy would share my obsession with Grape Fruit 2 O, but the fact that our Pavillions grocery store isn't far from the Disney studios might give us a little insight.
Every few days I go to Pavillions to claim my treasure, grape flavored Fruit 2 O. A lot of flavored water just tastes like tap water that was left uncovered in the fridge until it picked up the random scents from the leftovers. Not grape Fruit 2 O. It's sweet and luscious, doled out in beautiful little bottles.
More often than not, on the shelf next to the other, less desirable flavors, there is a void where the Grape used to be.
That's when I know he got there first. My head hangs low, I shuffle off in defeat, and quietly finish my shopping. Once I ordered a case from a courtesy clerk but she never called me back. I asked Ralphs to start selling it but they have yet to respond to my pleas. I have no competition at the Pavillions in Monrovia so when I'm desperate for my fix I plunder their shelves, driving home in a swell of triumphant hoots, the trunk of my Volvo overflowing with grape-flavored nectar.
When I get to the grape Fruit 2 O first at the Burbank Pavillions, oh yes, that is a fine day! I fill my cart and run before my vessel is attacked and pilfered. Who knows? He could be waiting in the produce section, ready to steal my cart before I get to the cashier.
Whether the grape Fruit 2 O is nabbed by myself, or my foe, I'm baffled as to why Pavillions still hasn't wised up and ordered Grape in larger quantities.
What baffled me more is when I went around the corner of the aisle today and saw that there was one 6-pack of Grape on the shelf. Never before have I seen one pack alone. Either he takes them all, or I do…so why did he leave one? I instinctively threw my arms up in the air while hissing a "Yesss!" but immediately became suspicious.
Is this a trap? Would he pull a string and a box would fall down over me when I reached for the bottles? Was he waiting nearby so he could ascertain my identity in an effort to knock out the competition when my guard was down?
Or was it a peace offering, a kind of truce, a hey kid, look, I know you love Grape too and, see? There is enough Grape for both of us in this crazy little town. A kind of a, I won but I'll be the bigger person and share.
My mind racing, I gingerly reached my arms around the lone 6-pack, giddy but suspicious. I began to relax when my drink was buried beneath toilet paper and bananas and deli meat, but I didn't completely feel safe until I got home. I waited until Grape chilled to just the right temperature and enjoyed the Fruit 2 Os of my labor, sharing its goodness with my family.
Sharing, yes. Soon I will have to go on another expedition to secure more of this bounty.
Soon.
